Nasty Chocolate
by Lia-Osaka92
Summary: It had been a terrible idea, Ulquiorra thought looking at the dark brown substance that looked nowhere near edible. Could this really help him convey his true feelings to 'that' person? GrimmUlqui fluff Valentine's Day Fic


**Nasty Chocolate**

It had been a terrible idea to begin with. Yet he had ignored that little voice telling him to turn around and leave, instead he had decided to follow through with his plan at all costs. Which explained why the almighty Cuatro Espada Ulquiorra Cifer, one of the most feared and respected Arrancar in Las Noches, had ended wearing a pink apron. Yes, pink.

"Would you mind to repeat why I have to wear this… thing?" he asked once again, glaring at the item that was covering his impecably white uniform.

His tormentor smiled at him, golden eyes showing how much he was enjoying this.

"Oh, but Ulquiorra-kun, you wouldn't want to get your uniform dirty, right?"

The green-eyed Arrancar pursed his lips, not entirely satisfied with this explanation, and hoping that whatever Szayel Aporro Granz had in mind would be over before he regretted asking for his help.

"Fine, but you have yet to explain to me how this will help with my problem."

The flamboyant Espada's joyous laughter echoed inside the laboratory, making Ulquiorra wonder if it was not too late to run away.

"Why, your problem is actually very common, Ulquiorra-kun, and you came to the right person to solve it."

He waltzed across the room, a dreamy smile on his lips, with Ulquiorra following him cautiously.

"And as it is, you couldn't have chosen a more perfect day to finally decide to solve this problem of yours. Perhaps it's fate…"

The fourth ignored him, knowing that if he paid too much attention to the eighth's nonsense, his limited patience wouldn't last too much.

The pink-haired scientist led him to a separate room full of strange objects and artifacts that were completely different to those that one would usually see in the man's laboratory. He showed Ulquiorra to a clean white table displaying multiple cooking items with a proud grin.

"Now, Ulquiorra-kun, would you happen to know what day is today?" he chirped, gliding through the various cupboards and shelves and picking a variety of things that Ulquiorra could not name.

"February 14"

His golden eyes lit happily, laying all the items on the table.

"Exactly! It's the perfect time to solve that little problem of yours!"

Ulquiorra stared at his excited comrade. He really should have gone to Harribel instead. She was a woman, she should know of these topics and was a straight-to-the-point person. Whatever made him believe that Szayel, due to his being a scientist, could provide him with objective and helpful advice, he did not know. Was it too late to say 'Thank you but I will try something else'? But maybe that would anger the Octava, which could lead to him being used as his new guinea pig. He shuddered at the thought.

"Oh, but I'm sure you're wondering what I mean with that, right? Well, that's because today is Valentine's Day!"

The green-eyed Espada was brought out from his thoughts and turned to look at the exhilarated expression on the scientist's face.

"That is very interesting, but I fail to understand how this Valentine's thing will help me to make that person aware of my… feelings."

The eighth looked at him with horror, backing away from him.

"You… don't know what Valentine's Day is?" his expression morphing into one of pity.

Ulquiorra didn't answer, waiting and hoping that Szayel would go to the point quickly, because he was starting to get impatient. He wanted to get done with this quickly. It had taken a lot of courage and resolve to finally come to terms with his feelings, let alone decide to confide them to someone like Szayel Aporro in hopes to get any advice, and he was starting to feel that this was getting him nowhere.

A dreamy smile appeared on the golden-eyed man's face. His superior was amazed at just how quickly he seemed to change his mood.

"_Everyone_ should know about Valentine's Day! It's a day to share and celebrate love! It's the perfect occasion to confess your deepest and most hidden feelings to the person most dear to you. Such a wonderful festivity!"

The raven-haired Arrancar blushed and looked away. He really shouldn't have come here, but now it was too late go back. He had made a decision, and he was going to take this to the end, no matter how embarrassing it turned out to be.

"So? What are we going to do now?"

With a proud smile, the Octava made a sign towards the table covered with the items and ingredients he had gathered, putting on a pink apron for himself.

"Why, of course, since today is Valentine's Day, the best way to express your love to that special someone is through… _chocolate_!"

The fourth blinked, confused. He knew what chocolate was. It was a type of candy that many humands seemed to favor due to its unique taste. But that was it. Seriously? The great scientist Szayel Aporro Granz's great plan was to make sweets?

The pink-haired man seemed to notice his uncertainty, because he smiled and slung his arm around his shoulders.

"Oh, trust me Ulquiorra-kun, there is more to chocolate than it seems. After all, there is a reason for its popularity. Chocolate releases endorphines, or what's commonly known as 'the hormone of happiness'. Besides, while not a proven aphrodisiac, chocolate is extremely sexy, Ulquiorra-kun." He winked, nudging him in the ribs. "Not to mention that it's tradition to give a special hand-made chocolate to the person you love. Isn't that exactly what you need?"

Ulquiorra pondered his options and decided that maybe Szayel was right. Besides, that person was after all, particularly voracious. Even if it would be his first time in the kitchen, it shouldn't be too hard.

* * *

After two hours of adding ingredients, getting covered in all sorts of disgusting substances, from milk to chocolate paste, and tiring his arm from mixing and stirring the resulting concoction, which looked nowhere near edible, Ulquiorra had had enough. That person could eat the contents (he wouldn't really call it chocolate) directly from the bowl for all he cared, and if his 'love' didn't get through, he wouldn't mind at all.

"My, aren't you a natural." Szayel joked, noticing the dark aura surrounding the raven-haired Espada.

He peeked at the bowl containing the dark mixture and then looked up at Ulquiorra's frowning face.

"You can stop stirring that, it's ready now. The last step is to give it a shape and put it in the oven. For that purpose I brought this." He took out a metallic mold with a curvy shape that Ulquiorra didn't recognize.

"What is that?"

Szayel smirked. "A heart, of course."

Ulquiorra examined the object with curiosity, outlining its shape with his pale fingers.

"A heart? I am afraid you must be mistaken. I have seen human hearts before and their shape is very different from this."

The scientist rolled his eyes. He too was starting to lose his patience. Really, Ulquiorra's naïvety and lack of general knowledge about what one would label as popular culture was not only interesting but very funny at times, but this was starting to get tiring.

"But there would be nothing romantical in gifting something with the shape of a human heart. Well, I would personally love a real one so that I could examine it (especially if it's still beating inside its owner's body), but I guess other people don't share my particular tastes, right? This is a simplified and cartoonish representation of a heart." He noticed the green-eyed man's quirked eyebrow and the look of hesitance on his face. "Trust me, Ulquiorra-kun, this is the best way to get your feelings to that person." He chirped, patting the smaller man's back friendly.

The fourth glanced at the mold again, still unsure about the methods Szayel Aporro was trying to use. Could this 'heart' really help him to convey his true feelings?

* * *

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez was taking a nap. It was a warm day, what with the artifficial sun shining through the window, and he had nothing to do, so he was lying down on his favorite spot, right were the warm sunrays hit his bed, curled on top of the blankets, enjoying the peacefulness for once. Which was why he was so irritated when said peacefulness got interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

"The fuck you want?" he snapped, opening the door violently. He was _not_ pleased.

The fact that he was met with the presence of one Ulquiorra Cifer looking strangely uneasy, didn't help with his bad mood. Of all the people, why would Cifer want to ruin his perfect day off?

"Oi! You deaf? I said what the fuck d'ya want?"

Ulquiorra shook his head vigorously, trying to get his act together. This was completely not like him, he was the always calm and collected, the deadly Cuatro Espada, and there was no way that he could be faced with a situation that he couldn't handle. He stroked the paper-clad object hidden safely in his pocket, took a deep breath, and finally took out the item, shoving it into Grimmjow's chest.

"I came to deliver this." He said simply, his voice unwavering, but his eyes not daring to meet the sapphire pair.

Grimmjow inspected the packet, a heart-shaped blue box with a dark blue bow, his eyebrows lifting to the point of meeting his hairline in sheer confusion. Ulquiorra and him could barely exchange three words before they started fighting. He couldn't even begin to fathom why would the fourth want to give him any sort of present, unless it would explode or something like that.

After much thought, and a spare glance at the Cuatro's expectant look, the panther decided to open the package to find an equally heart-shaped plain chocolate. He took it out hesitantly, wondering what to do with it. Should he eat it? He suddenly felt hungry, and the chocolate didn't look all that bad. But it came from Ulquiorra, who knew what it could be made of. And what was Ulquiorra trying to achieve by giving him a chocolate? He turned to look at the emerald-eyed Espada, suddenly feeling awkward about the whole situation.

"Uhm… what am I supposed to do with this?"

Ulquiorra was beyond furious. After all the fuss Szayel Aporro had made about the accursed chocolate and the so-called Valentine's Day, and all the trouble he had gone through to make that ridiculous chocolate, he was also going to have to explain what it was? Didn't Szayel say that everyone would know about this silly celebration and that Grimmjow would understand his feelings when he received the chocolate? The whole point of this was that he was too proud to say those kind of things out loud and he had asked Szayel for another way to express his true emotions without embarrassing himself. He was absolutely going to kill the Octava when this was done.

Still, in spite of the turmoil going on inside his head, Ulquiorra would never let any of it be reflected on his facial expressions.

"Even for your limited brain capacity, it should be quite obvious what the purpose of that thing is. Do you need me to spell it out for you?" Perhaps he could start by not insulting the object of his affections if he really wanted to gain his attention.

Grimmjow scowled, ready to answer back, but he decided to respond to his hungry stomach instead and ignore the little voice in his head telling him that Ulquiorra giving him a chocolate made no sense at all, and thus it must be poisoned.

He took a small bite and allowed the piece of candy to slowly melt in his mouth, closing his eyes in concentration. He tried not to feel miffed by Ulquiorra's deep stare, which was starting to irk him. He finally swallowed, his face contorting in disgust as he gagged.

"What the hell? This tastes like shit! Are you tryin' to kill me?"

Ulquiorra's eyes widened for a second. He had failed. He had tried to make Grimmjow aware of his feelings and he had failed. He had been rejected. He couldn't put words to what he felt, but he had a sudden need to see a pool of blood at his feet. He didn't say anything, he couldn't even look up and see the sixth's bewildered face, so he just fled the scene without another word.

* * *

Gin Ichimaru was toying with the corridors and entertaining himself watching the multiple monitors in the control room, hoping for something interesting to happen, when he heard a soft knock on the door.

"Come in!" he chirped, his trademark grin never leaving his face.

"Pardon the interruption, Ichimaru-sama." Szayel Aporro Granz entered the room, trying his best to hide his excitement.

"Oh, 'ello Szayel-kun! Whaddya need?"

Szayel smirked, walking towards the monitors and scanning the different screens with his golden eyes before answering to his superior. His smirk widened when he spotted what he was looking for.

"Actually, I was wondering if you could enlarge the image in the twelfth camera and get the audio for that area. I'm sure you too will enjoy the show."

Ichimaru turned his eyes towards the screen Szayel mentioned and saw Ulquiorra and Grimmjow standing in front of each other outside of the Sexta's room. The fact that they were having a civil conversation without trying to kill each other was quite an occurrence. He too, smirked, pushing some keys, and seconds later, the image was filling the whole screen, and the voices of the two Espada could be heard all over the tiny room.

"_I came to deliver this."_

Ichimaru grinned cheerfully.

"Oooh. 's Ulquiorra finally gonna confess ta Grimmjow? 'cos it's 'bout time, ne? Those two're so into reach other!"

"I know! I've always thought they would be a perfect match. But they are both so stubborn about it. I was really surprised when Ulquiorra-kun came asking for a way to confess…"

Szayel was silenced as he saw the scene unfold in front of his eyes. He gaped at the screen, unable to believe what he was seeing. Ichimaru's mouth formed a tiny 'o', he too, surprised at the unexpected development.

"Oho, 't seems 't didn' work out. Seriously, tho' Grimmjow's a r'lly bad actor."

The scientist frowned and clenched his fists quietly, his eyes fixed on the image of Ulquiorra storming away from the still furious Grimmjow. He was not going to let things stay like this.

* * *

Grimmjow was finally back to his bed, though he hadn't been able to go back to sleep. Damn Ulquiorra, suddenly deciding to act all weird and shit, and now he couldn't get it out of his mind. Suddenly he felt a soft knock on the door. Grimmjow growled. What did that idiot want now? Was he going to give him flowers now?

"What the _fuck_'s it now?" he snarled, hoping that the little bastard would change his mind and run away.

To his surprise, he didn't find Ulquiorra on the other side of the door. Instead, he found unusually cold golden eyes glaring at him as if the pink-haired man wanted him to burst into flames. And right alongsides him, Grimmjow saw Gin Ichimaru wearing his usual smirk. Oh, this day kept getting better and better.

Szayel's brows were knitted together in anger. He himself wasn't all that sure of why he was so angry with Grimmjow. The comings and goings of his fellow Espada were not really of his business, and when he did snoop into someone else's life, he would relish in pain, suffering and turbulent emotions. Ah, how he loved the way someone's brain would react and spark when attacked by those considered hurtful emotions. But perhaps this time was different. His objective, his experiment was very different to any other that he had conducted before. He had officially made Ulquiorra's private life into his personal project and he would not give up until he got positive results out of this.

"Before you ask, no, I don't wanna test out whatever new drug you came up with, thank you."

The Octava smirked and took a step closer towards the Sexta.

"Oh, worry not, Grimmjow, I have not come here for that reason today. My business is something entirely different in this particular occasion." He said, advancing even closer, invading his superior's personal space.

Grimmjow took a step back and growled menacingly.

"You see, Ichimaru-sama and I were having fun in the control room when we saw you and Ulquiorra-kun having a funny conversation, but then Ulquiorra-kun got really upset. I'm curious, what happened, ne Grimmjow?"

"That's none of your fucking business."

Szayel's smirk didn't waver, he stepped closer to the blue-haired man and hooked a finger under his strong chin.

"Ooh, but I'm afraid it is."

Grimmjow snarled and backed away even further, trying to get away from the scientist's reach. Ichimaru, who had been watching the scene silently until then, suddenly snickered.

"Lookie there, Szayel." He said playfully, pointing at Grimmjow's right hand. "Ne, Grimmjow, wha' didja do ta get yer fingers all dirty like tha'?"

The sixth turned his gaze to the hand that Ichimaru was pointing. His eyes widened and he cursed under his breath as he noticed in horror that his fingers were covered in a thick, sticky, dark brown substance.

* * *

Ulquiorra had locked the door to his room, and he had curled himself into a ball on top of the bed. No light could enter the spacious room of the fourth Espada, nor did he want it to. He had been a fool to believe that there would be anything to gain in confessing his feelings to the idiotic sixth Espada.

His hands clenched into fists around the white bedsheets as the knot in his stomach tightened. It was horrible and painful, unlike anything he had felt in his life. Before today, he had never had to deal with something as troublesome as 'emotions'. He was an Espada, an effective killing machine. And then somehow, that strange and unexpected attraction towards the blue-haired trash had blossomoed out of nowhere. Had he simply ignored them instead of pursuing such useless emotions, none of this would be happening now. He wouldn't be feeling this painful emptiness.

Why did it have to hurt so much? It didn't make any sense. He hadn't engaged in any battle and his body had not sustained any injury as of late. Then why was he in so much pain? He couldn't understand it. And yet, he took his hand to his chest and grabbed his coat right over that empty place in his body; even if it was hollow, it was the one that hurt the most.

The blue-haired man standing outside of the fourth's room hesitated before knocking on the door. Should he really be doing this? This was so weird and so not like him, yet…

"_So you did eat it?" golden eyes looked at him__, bewildered._

"_Yeah, he gave it to me, I guess I was supposed to eat it, so what?" he shrugged, he didn't get why was the freak so worked up about such a little thing._

"_But you said it was horrible!"_

"_W-well I wasn't gonna tell him that I liked his fucking food."_

_Ichimaru snickered in the background, as if he knew something that the other two Espada ignored. It was ticking him off. Szayel sighed, trying to calm himself down and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose._

"_For your information, Ulquiorra-kun put the best of his efforts to make that chocolate for you in hopes to get you to accept his true feelings. But it was naïve of me to think that a brute of your kind would understand such a simple message."_

Fucking freak. If he hadn't said that, he wouldn't be standing here, wondering what to do now. It was all Ulquiorra's fault. Why did he have to give him that stupid chocolate to begin with? Now everything was fucked up.

To hell with this shit.

* * *

Ulquiorra ignored the loud knocking on the door. He knew who was on the other side, he had felt his reiatsu standing in the hallway for about fifteen minutes, and he could stay there and rot for all he cared.

The unwanted visitor insisted, knocking even louder. The fourth wondered if that fool would go as far as to knock down his door. He turned his back towards the entrance and tried to block the noise away, hoping that the idiot would leave if he received no answer.

No such luck.

"Oi, Ulquiorra! I know you're there, don't play dumb on me! Open the door, damnit!"

He inched his body as far as he could from the offending noise, pretending not to hear that voice. What could that man want from him now? Had he not been humilliated enough? Would he also want to rub his failure on his face? Perhaps he had figured out the real meaning of the unwanted gift and he had come to mock him for it? Ulquiorra wanted nothing else than to disappear on the spot.

He heard some curses and a sudden loud bang that made him jump up to a seated position, his wide eyes directed at the spot where the door used to be.

"Tch, yer always so difficult. I just wanted to talk and now I had to make a mess!" the taller man complained, his blue eyebrows scrunched in a scowl.

Ulquiorra regained his composure immediately and sent a cold glare at the intruder, willing him to vanish into nothingness.

"Get out."

Grimmjow barely caught the words spoken by his superior before a surge of green light passed barely two inches away from his right ear. He flinched, noting the darkening reiatsu that had suddenly spread over the room.

"I will not repeat myself again, get out."

Another Cero flew by him, this one brushing his cheek and leaving a burning feeling on his skin. Grimmjow seriously considered retreating for today. He knew the next one would hit him for sure.

"O-oi, take it easy, man! I just want to talk! Y-you're not really tryin' to kill me, are you?" he asked, knowing that the smaller Espada had every intention to end his life if he was provoked, the killing intent radiating from those cold emerald eyes sent chills down his spine.

The raven-haired Espada watched intently as the other raised both of his hands, as if trying to prove that he was unarmed and harmless. And though the Cuatro could indeed notice that the man was not carrying his zanpakuto (such a reckless action), he also knew that he needed no weapon to cause him pain, as he had discovered today.

"Yes, I will kill you if you do not disappear from my sight imm-"

The new Cero he was charging died out as his eyes scanned Grimmjow's body to finally land on the Espada's raised hand.

"What is that, in your right hand?

This time, Grimmjow didn't have to look to know what the emerald-eyed Espada was talking about. He cursed mentally, hadn't he wiped that off? Fuck, this was going to be so embarrassing.

"I… got my hand dirty."

Ulquiorra frowned, unsatisfied with the short response. "That is obvious. I want to know what it is that got you dirty."

The sixth sighed, knowing there was no way around this, and perhaps, this would be the best approach to the conversation he had initially thought out.

"Isn't it obvious? It's that damn chocolate you gave me, moron. Some of it melted in my hand and now it's like this. Haven't had time to clean it." He scratched the back of his head, glancing at the fourth hesitantly. "What? If ya gave it to me, it's only natural that I ate it, why's everyone so surprised about it?" he snapped.

Cifer's eyes widened. Hadn't he thrown it away? True, Ulquiorra had dashed off before seeing what Grimmjow would do with his gift, but what else would the man do with it if it tasted as terribly as he said it did? And why would he eat something that had such an awful taste, anyway?

"You were the one who said that it was atrocious. Only fools would eat something that has a foul taste." He replied, trying to keep his calm demeanor, but finding himself unable to look directly at Grimmjow.

The sapphire-eyed Espada growled in frustration. This was the stupidest thing he'd ever had to do in all of his life. Stupid and embarrassing. He really hated to explain himself. Though he had to admit that Ulquiorra looked kinda cute with that faint blush tainting his pale cheeks.

"Fine! I was _lying_! It wasn't bad! I… I actually l-liked it… It was kinda g-good. But I thought you were tryin' to make a fool of me, and I didn't want to give you the satisfaction, so I lied… That's what I came here to say…" He was supposed to apologize too, but he'd never do such a thing to the Cuatro Espada. Never.

He too could feel his cheeks burning. Stupid Ulquiorra for giving him that stupid chocolate. Stupid Szayel for telling him all that shit.

"_Don't you know what day is today? Today is Valentine's Day!" the scientist wailed dramatically_

"_Ahhh… you mean that human thingy when they turn all sappy and stupid and shit?"_

_Szayel punched his chest angrily._

"_No, you big fool! Don't you get it? The tradition is to give a hand-made chocolate to the person you love! Ulquiorra-kun tried his best to make that chocolate for you, insensitive idiot."_

Grimmjow glanced at Ulquiorra, wondering if the Cuatro would still want to kill him now. Instead, the smaller Espada's eyes were fixed on his pale fingers, or rather, fixed on _not_ looking at him, as if there was something very interesting on any other spot of the room, and that faint blush hadn't disappeared from his pale cheeks.

The silence between them grew unconfortable, neither daring to speak or utter the smallest of sounds, not even sparing a glance at each other. This is so terribly stupid, Grimmjow thought, staring at his chocolate coated fingers and absentmidedly bringing his index finger to his lips, licking it clean of the sweet substance.

He stole another sideglance at the fourth, who was still not looking at him, the taste of chocolate lingering in his mouth.

Ah, fuck this.

Ulquiorra could hardly register what was going on before he felt a strong grip on his chin forcing his face upwards and a rough pair of lips pressed against his own. His emerald eyes widened, not knowing how to react. After the initial shock had passed, he hooked his arms around Grimmjow's neck and closed his eyes, parting his lips when the panther's tongue asked for access, deepening the kiss.

_That idiot_, Ulquiorra thought to himself, feeling the faint taste of chocolate in Grimmjow's mouth, _he did lie to me. That chocolate did have an awful taste_.

**End**

Been such a long time since I post anything in FF! But I have a good excuse! I've been so busy writing GrimmUlqui fics for the GrimmUlquiFC fanbook in DeviantArt (link in my profile, do join) and I can't publish them here before the book is released.

Anyway, this would be my first Bleach fanfic in English, so I hope everyone likes it. Thanks a lot to Tokyo Kitty for Beta-ing it.

I wrote this for the Valentine Day's gift exchange over at the GrimmUlquiFC in DA for Asagi-K-Kurosaki, but I hope everyone enjoys it too. I know VD was like days ago but I was procrastinating (obsessing over 8059 and KHR. It's Dior's fault.)

I feel like I made Szayel kinda like Grell from Kuroshitsuji, am I the only one? (I've been watching-reading too much Kuro as of late) but who cares, he's so funny like that (and they're so alike anyway) I was this close to making him say "Death!" just to troll myself lol.

And I don't think I need to note it, but I think if Ulqui cooked a rock with salt and gave it to Grimm, Grimmy would love it too. (I'm so silly)

EDIT: I always forget that I have to readd the break-lines when I upload to FF -w-. Stupid thing


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